What Makes a Daughter Beautiful?

One thing I have noticed since having a baby girl is how often people call her pretty.  As a little girl I remember being told the same thing.  Growing up with sisters, I think looks were probably mentioned a lot around us.  It's just funny to me, because when I had Emerson, I don't remember people commenting on his looks so much (usually he was called smart).  For some reason, people feel that when you are complimenting a girl, it should be about how she looks (I'm guilty of it too!).

A few years ago, I remember wondering if I would have struggled so much with insecurity about my image if external beauty wasn't emphasized so much growing up (not necessarily by my parents, but people in general, plus media).  What if I was complimented more on my abilities, or intelligence, or joy, or heart, or leadership, or good works, etc.  But I guess even these type compliments are all focused on me and my ability to do something.  Which would ultimately put pressure on me to succeed in some form or another.  This would eventually result in failure and disappointment in myself, because no one can be perfect at something their whole life. And one might be willing to go to extreme measures to maintain that characteristic.  My identity and self-worth should not be found in any of these, but in the fact that I am a child of God, chosen by Him, and covered in His grace. This fact is unchanging and does not depend on my works or ability to do anything. 

So, now that I have a daughter, how does this affect the way I speak to her or build her up?  It's not like I will refuse to call her beautiful!  She is beautiful.  God does make beautiful creations and it is good to praise Him for that.  But I certainly don't want to make that the only or most frequent thing I say about her.  That would teach her that her beauty is what is most valuable about her, which it isn't.  It is not wrong to tell her that she is smart, or coordinated, or sweet, or a good artist either.  God designed us to be able to do and be these types of things... to be creative and active and capable of learning lots of things.  After all, we are made in His image and He is those things.

So, how, as parents, do we help our children view themselves rightly, as God sees them, and not according to the world's standard?  Maybe we should start by helping them to see God rightly.  As He has revealed Himself in Scripture.  It seems impossible to view ourselves rightly when we don't view God rightly.  The better we know Christ, the more we see our sinfulness and need of a Savior.  And the better we know Scripture and the good news in it, the better we understand God's great and unwavering love for us.  And we will know that we did nothing to deserve it, but it was a free gift and God chose to give it to us. 

Would understanding the Gospel not help our children to develop humble, grateful attitudes and self perceptions?  However, I also know that a parent can only do so much to lead their child to Christ.  It is out of our hands at some point, which is why our children's souls should constantly be in our prayers.

I have not reached a conclusion about this.  These comments are just where my thoughts take me when I think about it.  I have seen opposing views on blogs from other Christians... some go so far as to say you shouldn't tell them they are pretty and others believe it is what girls need to hear!  What do you think?  How can we teach our children to see God rightly and to see themselves as God sees them?  How can we teach our daughters to find their self-worth in the fact that they are a child of God?

Please know I am not writing this to create a debate or anything.  I just think it is good to think about parenting and parent on purpose, not just fly by the seat of our pants or make things up as we go (all the time at least!).  I'd love to hear your thoughts!