Abundance of the Heart

"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."

Almost 7 weeks we have housed Miss M through foster care.  And many times the past 7 weeks I have raised my voice in anger and frustration towards the kids.  When Emerson was an infant, he was very jumpy and would startle at any sudden noise (even if it wasn't loud) and cry.  I've joked that Lyla will not be this way at all because she has been exposed to my raised voice so much before she even comes out of the womb!

If the words of my mouth reflect the condition of my heart, then I am in serious need of a Savior.  Foster care has not only reminded me of how dependent I am on Christ from moment to moment, but also for my salvation.  I've struggled with things I haven't struggled with in a long time... anger, controlling my tongue, being nice, etc.  I have an ugly, sinful heart and I need a Savior.  This is an important truth I don't want to forget.  How sanctifying this experience is. 

The good works that the Lord prepared in advance for me to do are not possible out of the "goodness of my own heart".  Obviously, my heart is ugly and incapable of producing righteousness on my own.  Christ is the only goodness in me and my only hope.

After church on Sunday this little old lady sweetly told us that it was a very "righteous" thing that we were doing by doing foster care.  It kind of made me laugh a little because any "righteousness" I felt at the beginning is long gone.  Foster care has continued to show me how unrighteous and sinful I am.  I just hope that despite my failures, God is using this experience to reveal Himself and His love to Miss M and anyone else He desires.

God is my perfect example of love.  He lavishes grace upon grace on me.  Mercy upon mercy.  How does He do it so freely?  I don't understand.  It's so hard for me to offer grace upon grace to Miss M some days.  My kindness each day is dependent on my heart's condition that day.  I need to pray for my kids and husband daily.  I need prayer.  I need Scripture.  I need to be filled with the Spirit.  Without these things I have nothing to offer.  My heart will be ugly and my words will reflect that.  Lord, fill me daily.  Make my heart right.