Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted. I'm sorry for that. Blogging has been put on the back burner for several reasons. Hopefully I will haves several posts this week as I have a lot to blog about now!
So.. I haven't really looked forward to this post. As you could probably tell by my past posts about foster care, I have really been struggling through it. The last month, Caleb and I have been praying about and discussing whether we should continue taking long-term foster care placements for now. For some reason, when we began doing foster care, I began to experience anxiety and stress and feelings of being overwhelmed like I've never experienced before. My sleep was a wreck and I felt on edge at all times. My God-given roles as a wife and mother were suffering. I was not at peace at all. And the thought of having a newborn on top of it sent me into even greater fear and doubt and emotions.
After much prayer and being back and forth, we finally decided it wasn't healthy for our family to take on such a huge task right now, especially while our children are still so young and at such demanding ages. We felt a huge sense of peace about the decision.
The difficult thing about the decision is that it doesn't affect just us. Miss M's case was seeming to get longer and longer, so it would obviously affect her stay here. We called the caseworker about 1.5 weeks ago and she was able to find a place for Miss M pretty quickly. So after talking to Miss M about our decision and trying to make the last few days special for her, we packed her things and said "see you soon". I have to be honest, it was an emotional few days, especially for Miss M and I. Even though it was hard, we did grow to love her and it was evidenced by the sadness we felt for her when she left. Please, please be praying for this girl. I hate how broken our world is and how little innocent, vulnerable children are hurt by it.
It was one of the hardest decisions we've made in awhile. And I still daily struggle with thoughts of doubt and confusion and wonder about why this happened. What was the point? Did more damage come out of it than good? Am I a failure? Did I just not lean on God enough? Did God not "make all grace abound to me so I could abound in every good work" like His word promises? Do I not have enough faith? Was it not God's will for us to take her in the first place? Lots of questions and doubts on my mind and heart, to be honest. So, if you think of it, please pray for me too.
We do still feel like God has called us to this in some form or another. In the more near future, it will probably look like respite care (short term placements). And we do hope to eventually adopt through foster care. But obviously, now we better understand the weight of that decision and we will try to seek God's will and complete clarity and discernment about what that is. I'm sorry this post does not really end on a "happy note", but that's how I'm feeling about the whole situation anyway. We do believe this decision is what God has led us to and we feel peace about it, but it is still a struggle, especially in understanding the answers to all the questions I mentioned above. I want to thank you for your prayers along the way and the support from our amazing friends and church family. In that way, we do feel very blessed. Thanks, friends.
Showing posts with label Foster Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Foster Care. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Abundance of the Heart
"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
Almost 7 weeks we have housed Miss M through foster care. And many times the past 7 weeks I have raised my voice in anger and frustration towards the kids. When Emerson was an infant, he was very jumpy and would startle at any sudden noise (even if it wasn't loud) and cry. I've joked that Lyla will not be this way at all because she has been exposed to my raised voice so much before she even comes out of the womb!
If the words of my mouth reflect the condition of my heart, then I am in serious need of a Savior. Foster care has not only reminded me of how dependent I am on Christ from moment to moment, but also for my salvation. I've struggled with things I haven't struggled with in a long time... anger, controlling my tongue, being nice, etc. I have an ugly, sinful heart and I need a Savior. This is an important truth I don't want to forget. How sanctifying this experience is.
The good works that the Lord prepared in advance for me to do are not possible out of the "goodness of my own heart". Obviously, my heart is ugly and incapable of producing righteousness on my own. Christ is the only goodness in me and my only hope.
After church on Sunday this little old lady sweetly told us that it was a very "righteous" thing that we were doing by doing foster care. It kind of made me laugh a little because any "righteousness" I felt at the beginning is long gone. Foster care has continued to show me how unrighteous and sinful I am. I just hope that despite my failures, God is using this experience to reveal Himself and His love to Miss M and anyone else He desires.
God is my perfect example of love. He lavishes grace upon grace on me. Mercy upon mercy. How does He do it so freely? I don't understand. It's so hard for me to offer grace upon grace to Miss M some days. My kindness each day is dependent on my heart's condition that day. I need to pray for my kids and husband daily. I need prayer. I need Scripture. I need to be filled with the Spirit. Without these things I have nothing to offer. My heart will be ugly and my words will reflect that. Lord, fill me daily. Make my heart right.
Almost 7 weeks we have housed Miss M through foster care. And many times the past 7 weeks I have raised my voice in anger and frustration towards the kids. When Emerson was an infant, he was very jumpy and would startle at any sudden noise (even if it wasn't loud) and cry. I've joked that Lyla will not be this way at all because she has been exposed to my raised voice so much before she even comes out of the womb!
If the words of my mouth reflect the condition of my heart, then I am in serious need of a Savior. Foster care has not only reminded me of how dependent I am on Christ from moment to moment, but also for my salvation. I've struggled with things I haven't struggled with in a long time... anger, controlling my tongue, being nice, etc. I have an ugly, sinful heart and I need a Savior. This is an important truth I don't want to forget. How sanctifying this experience is.
The good works that the Lord prepared in advance for me to do are not possible out of the "goodness of my own heart". Obviously, my heart is ugly and incapable of producing righteousness on my own. Christ is the only goodness in me and my only hope.
After church on Sunday this little old lady sweetly told us that it was a very "righteous" thing that we were doing by doing foster care. It kind of made me laugh a little because any "righteousness" I felt at the beginning is long gone. Foster care has continued to show me how unrighteous and sinful I am. I just hope that despite my failures, God is using this experience to reveal Himself and His love to Miss M and anyone else He desires.
God is my perfect example of love. He lavishes grace upon grace on me. Mercy upon mercy. How does He do it so freely? I don't understand. It's so hard for me to offer grace upon grace to Miss M some days. My kindness each day is dependent on my heart's condition that day. I need to pray for my kids and husband daily. I need prayer. I need Scripture. I need to be filled with the Spirit. Without these things I have nothing to offer. My heart will be ugly and my words will reflect that. Lord, fill me daily. Make my heart right.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Sanctification
Friends, we have survived three weeks with "miss M". I am going to try to not make this whole post about foster care since that's all I've written about lately. It's harder to find time to blog with 2, because now my free moments are spent packing lunches, or resting, or in prayer, because I've learned I cannot do this on my own!
We have mostly really great days. Days where we just feel like a family and have fun and can see how rewarding foster care is, or can see progress in miss M's life. And then we have some rough days. Days where miss M is up a lot in the night and I can't fall back asleep, so after lying awake 2 hours I just cry in bed and Caleb pats my back. I've had one or two nights where I feel like I am having an anxiety attack in bed, feeling overwhelmed and overcome with stress and fear. Fear about whether this will get better before Lyla comes. Can I really handle two sleepless children? I don't handle lack of sleep well.
So, I came to a conclusion. I cannot do this on my own. I need God to give me strength. And also, I realized that foster care (and motherhood in general) is very, very sanctifying. I am reminded of my weakness and sinfulness and need of a Savior. Being refined is not fun. My sin being brought to the surface before my face is hard. Trying to grow in those areas and not give in to my anger or fear or doubt is hard. But it's worth it, right? That's what I keep telling myself. This trying experience will sanctify me and make me more like Christ, I hope. I imagine I will be much slower to anger 10 years from now than I am now. Hopefully my faith will be stronger too and I won't doubt God's sovereignty and goodwill for my life. Each day I need God's help. We don't doubt this is God's will for us right now. Yes, I know it affects Emerson. But I trust that God will accomplish his purposes through this experience in Emerson's heart and life. My biggest praise right now has been how well Emerson has done with it. God is good.
In other news, I will be 32 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I admit this pregnancy has been harder than the last and it has been difficult for me to have a good attitude at times. I'm starting to think she is going to be a big girl... The next 8 weeks couldn't go fast enough :) At the same time, I know it will be an adjustment to have a newborn again once she comes. I am sad to give up naptime, which is sacred to me. It keeps me sane. God was faithful to give me the energy and joy I needed when Emerson was an infant, so I trust He will do it again.
Our near future holds a Razorback game, a baby "sprinkle", friends visiting, a 2nd birthday party for Emerson, Easter, Lyla, et cetera. So I will try to update regularly. Thanks for reading friends. Sorry if this post sounded a little negative.. I just want to document what I'm really feeling and experiencing at this point in our journey. I must say we do have a lot of good and just a little bad sometimes. Overall, we have had a good experience doing foster care and feel blessed that God wants to use fallen parents like us to care for the fatherless. Have a blessed weekend!
We have mostly really great days. Days where we just feel like a family and have fun and can see how rewarding foster care is, or can see progress in miss M's life. And then we have some rough days. Days where miss M is up a lot in the night and I can't fall back asleep, so after lying awake 2 hours I just cry in bed and Caleb pats my back. I've had one or two nights where I feel like I am having an anxiety attack in bed, feeling overwhelmed and overcome with stress and fear. Fear about whether this will get better before Lyla comes. Can I really handle two sleepless children? I don't handle lack of sleep well.
So, I came to a conclusion. I cannot do this on my own. I need God to give me strength. And also, I realized that foster care (and motherhood in general) is very, very sanctifying. I am reminded of my weakness and sinfulness and need of a Savior. Being refined is not fun. My sin being brought to the surface before my face is hard. Trying to grow in those areas and not give in to my anger or fear or doubt is hard. But it's worth it, right? That's what I keep telling myself. This trying experience will sanctify me and make me more like Christ, I hope. I imagine I will be much slower to anger 10 years from now than I am now. Hopefully my faith will be stronger too and I won't doubt God's sovereignty and goodwill for my life. Each day I need God's help. We don't doubt this is God's will for us right now. Yes, I know it affects Emerson. But I trust that God will accomplish his purposes through this experience in Emerson's heart and life. My biggest praise right now has been how well Emerson has done with it. God is good.
In other news, I will be 32 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I admit this pregnancy has been harder than the last and it has been difficult for me to have a good attitude at times. I'm starting to think she is going to be a big girl... The next 8 weeks couldn't go fast enough :) At the same time, I know it will be an adjustment to have a newborn again once she comes. I am sad to give up naptime, which is sacred to me. It keeps me sane. God was faithful to give me the energy and joy I needed when Emerson was an infant, so I trust He will do it again.
Our near future holds a Razorback game, a baby "sprinkle", friends visiting, a 2nd birthday party for Emerson, Easter, Lyla, et cetera. So I will try to update regularly. Thanks for reading friends. Sorry if this post sounded a little negative.. I just want to document what I'm really feeling and experiencing at this point in our journey. I must say we do have a lot of good and just a little bad sometimes. Overall, we have had a good experience doing foster care and feel blessed that God wants to use fallen parents like us to care for the fatherless. Have a blessed weekend!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Foster Care, 10 Days In
Let me just start by saying that we got attached a lot faster than we thought we would! God has definitely heard our prayer to help us love her like our own. We have reached a "new normal" I believe. And ten days in, we already catch ourselves thinking about what adoption would be like, even though the goal for the case is still reunification with mom. Now I pray that we will trust God's Sovereign hand in accomplishing his purpose for this one's life. I need to trust Him and not what I think is best.
Even Emerson cried for her the other day when we dropped her off for her visit. And before his nap yesterday, he gave her a giant hug resting his head on her shoulder. Lord help us when she goes back home. Emerson will definitely miss having another kid around to play with. And she tolerates him pretty well too :)
The encouraging moment of the week was when we were reading to her from the Jesus Storybook Bible and she recognized the next story, which was about Abraham's "sacrifice" of Isaac, not the most well-known Bible story for kids in my opinion. Apparently, someone along the way has taught her some Bible stories and she retained them better than that person thought she would, I'm sure. Even if she is only here for 5 months, this is an opportunity to lay a foundation of the gospel. How encouraging to know that even a 6 year old is soaking up so much of what we teach, even if we think it's going in one ear and out the other.
Yes, we've had some rough moments, battling hair, homework, or immediate obedience, but most struggles have been common 6 year old struggles. I do feel like God has been gracious to us with our first experience as foster parents. I do think it is a refining and sanctifying experience and is rough at times. He makes me new. But I have felt like God has been guiding our steps and has given us hope at the end of each day. Several passages of scripture have re-surfaced and encouraged me over the last ten days. And I must say that my husband has been phenomenal. He does great with her, of course, but he has been wonderful at picking up on my cues when I am stressed or need a break, too. He allows me a break when needed and is just such a loving, serving man. I am so thankful we are in this together. And I feel like God has been gracious in that I have joy each morning... my heart feels full. Joy in the morning and hope at night. I pray it continues.
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
I pray the Lord would let me be compelled by love to no longer live for myself but for Him. And to not think any of this is about me or what I want, but about making Him known, even if my will doesn't happen. Thanks for reading friends. Your prayers are still coveted :)
Even Emerson cried for her the other day when we dropped her off for her visit. And before his nap yesterday, he gave her a giant hug resting his head on her shoulder. Lord help us when she goes back home. Emerson will definitely miss having another kid around to play with. And she tolerates him pretty well too :)
The encouraging moment of the week was when we were reading to her from the Jesus Storybook Bible and she recognized the next story, which was about Abraham's "sacrifice" of Isaac, not the most well-known Bible story for kids in my opinion. Apparently, someone along the way has taught her some Bible stories and she retained them better than that person thought she would, I'm sure. Even if she is only here for 5 months, this is an opportunity to lay a foundation of the gospel. How encouraging to know that even a 6 year old is soaking up so much of what we teach, even if we think it's going in one ear and out the other.
Yes, we've had some rough moments, battling hair, homework, or immediate obedience, but most struggles have been common 6 year old struggles. I do feel like God has been gracious to us with our first experience as foster parents. I do think it is a refining and sanctifying experience and is rough at times. He makes me new. But I have felt like God has been guiding our steps and has given us hope at the end of each day. Several passages of scripture have re-surfaced and encouraged me over the last ten days. And I must say that my husband has been phenomenal. He does great with her, of course, but he has been wonderful at picking up on my cues when I am stressed or need a break, too. He allows me a break when needed and is just such a loving, serving man. I am so thankful we are in this together. And I feel like God has been gracious in that I have joy each morning... my heart feels full. Joy in the morning and hope at night. I pray it continues.
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
I pray the Lord would let me be compelled by love to no longer live for myself but for Him. And to not think any of this is about me or what I want, but about making Him known, even if my will doesn't happen. Thanks for reading friends. Your prayers are still coveted :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Foster Care Update
I am giving a "brief" foster care update, because you poor friends text me ask how it's going and if I don't respond immediately, then I don't respond at all... Oops! I will try to give you an update without too many details.
So far, things are going as well as we could hope! The little girl we have is chipper and fairly happy go lucky most of the time. She and Emerson get along great (praise the Lord!) and we have all adjusted pretty smoothly so far. I know there is a "honeymoon period" though, so hopefully things will continue to go smoothly as time passes. I do have to say that there have already been several instances where I felt like God was with me helping me and I just felt his grace and compassion as this is a stretching experience. Your prayers have definitely been felt.
I am definitely glad we took a grade school kid so I could still have one-on-one time with Emerson during the day, because my attention is definitely divided when both kids are home. Emerson has been a champ though and I think he actually likes when she is here. He has taken on the "pesky younger brother role" very quickly to our surprise!
I tried to learn to do cornrows the other day, which ended up being the hardest day we've had since she's been here. There were tears from both of us. But we survived. However, it probably needs to be braided every 1-2 weeks and I am NOT proficient. And it is a battle to do it. I dread when it needs to be done again.
She has a visit with her mom today and I've heard foster kids can have really bad days on visit days. This morning wasn't awful, it was just a little bit like pulling teeth to get her to get ready. I keep praying for her while she's at school today that she can stay focused and behave well even though she probably has other things on her mind. She seemed to have mixed feelings about visits this morning. How sad it is for a young child to only see her mother 1-2 hours a week. It's just not natural, not how God designed it.
Our prayer is also that we can love her like we love our biological kids. Even if she is only here a short time, it will be most beneficial to her if we love her that way. Here are some encouraging verses I've been praying the last few weeks:
"But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become very dear to us." 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8
"For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory." 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
If you want here are a few things you can pray for:
1. That things will continue to go smoothly, that God will give us wisdom in parenting her, even right as issues arise, and also that she will continue to be receptive to our discipline and authority.
2. That God will continue helping us to love her rightly and see her through his eyes. That she will see His love through us.
3. That God's will will be done for this case and that she can know how to sort through all her mixed feelings that no 6 year old should ever have to experience.
4. That our pregnancy will continue to go smoothly and there will not be too much added stress or exhaustion that negatively affects it. That I carry Lyla full term and she is healthy and that we don't feel stretched too thin with having 3 kids.
Thanks so so much friends!!
So far, things are going as well as we could hope! The little girl we have is chipper and fairly happy go lucky most of the time. She and Emerson get along great (praise the Lord!) and we have all adjusted pretty smoothly so far. I know there is a "honeymoon period" though, so hopefully things will continue to go smoothly as time passes. I do have to say that there have already been several instances where I felt like God was with me helping me and I just felt his grace and compassion as this is a stretching experience. Your prayers have definitely been felt.
I am definitely glad we took a grade school kid so I could still have one-on-one time with Emerson during the day, because my attention is definitely divided when both kids are home. Emerson has been a champ though and I think he actually likes when she is here. He has taken on the "pesky younger brother role" very quickly to our surprise!
I tried to learn to do cornrows the other day, which ended up being the hardest day we've had since she's been here. There were tears from both of us. But we survived. However, it probably needs to be braided every 1-2 weeks and I am NOT proficient. And it is a battle to do it. I dread when it needs to be done again.
She has a visit with her mom today and I've heard foster kids can have really bad days on visit days. This morning wasn't awful, it was just a little bit like pulling teeth to get her to get ready. I keep praying for her while she's at school today that she can stay focused and behave well even though she probably has other things on her mind. She seemed to have mixed feelings about visits this morning. How sad it is for a young child to only see her mother 1-2 hours a week. It's just not natural, not how God designed it.
Our prayer is also that we can love her like we love our biological kids. Even if she is only here a short time, it will be most beneficial to her if we love her that way. Here are some encouraging verses I've been praying the last few weeks:
"But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you have become very dear to us." 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8
"For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory." 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
If you want here are a few things you can pray for:
1. That things will continue to go smoothly, that God will give us wisdom in parenting her, even right as issues arise, and also that she will continue to be receptive to our discipline and authority.
2. That God will continue helping us to love her rightly and see her through his eyes. That she will see His love through us.
3. That God's will will be done for this case and that she can know how to sort through all her mixed feelings that no 6 year old should ever have to experience.
4. That our pregnancy will continue to go smoothly and there will not be too much added stress or exhaustion that negatively affects it. That I carry Lyla full term and she is healthy and that we don't feel stretched too thin with having 3 kids.
Thanks so so much friends!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
A Name for Little Miss
I am 28 weeks pregnant now (hello third trimester!) and we have decided upon a name for little miss. Drum roll please... She will be named Lyla Brooke. We have liked Lyla for awhile now and it has remained at the top of the list for months, while other names moved up and down depending on the day. The meaning is: one born at night, or resembling a lily. Brooke is my middle name :)
In other pregnancy news, I had an appointment this morning and all is well. I measure normally and the heart rate is good (about 148 bpm). She was head down at our appointment today, which I was happy about. I admit that this pregnancy is less comfortable and easy as the last one. I feel huge and cannot believe I have 3 months left, but according to my doctor today my weight gain is about the same as the last pregnancy. Basically, I have to push through it and be thankful that Lyla is healthy.
I feel her move several times a day. She was crazy active during the second trimester, but I think she is either calming down or getting more squished in there, because her movements have not been quite so violent. Emerson loves baby sissy "Wiwah" and gives her kisses and hugs and talks to her and is basically really sweet to her. I hope and believe he will always be this kind of big brother.
After being around my two nieces over Christmas, I am very excited to have a sweet baby girl and am also getting more excited to have two kids. I just feel very blessed.
In foster care news, we are taking a placement tomorrow. This will probably be a long term placement. I don't think I can share very much except that she is a 7 year old girl. Please say a prayer for us as I still get nervous when we get placements (we've had 2 short term so far). Pray that we all adjust to one another well and that Caleb and I will have wisdom in parenting her and that we will see her through God's eyes and love her like He does. Pray that His name will be glorified in our lives and in her life. I appreciate it, friends.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Foster Care As of Late
Hey friends! Sorry I haven't updated you on the foster care part of our lives lately. As many of you know, our home was opened in mid-October. We actually had a temporary placement for one weekend shortly after. It was good, yet challenging, and an invaluable learning experience.
We actually haven't been getting as many phone calls as I thought we would. Maybe it's because we only requested one child. It seems they might usually come in sibling groups. We also requested 5-11 year olds and we haven't gotten any calls about a child in that age range. Mostly we get called about teenagers, which Caleb and I feel a little young to parent kids that old.
I guess I thought we'd have a long-term placement by now. It seems like we went through this long process to get certified and now we sit here doing nothing.
During our first placement, we saw the reality of how this commitment will deeply affect our biological children. Which in turn made us wonder which would be better for our family: to serve through respite (short term/emergency) care, or by taking one long term placement. If we took short term placements, there wouldn't really be a new normal to get used to. We would probably always be adjusting back and forth, which could be hard. It seems like if we took one placement for longer-term then we could adjust and would eventually reach some kind of normal... I don't know. I guess we just trust that God will open the door for a specific child if it is truly His will for that child to join our family. But in the meantime, it does feel a little bit like we are doing nothing.
We actually haven't been getting as many phone calls as I thought we would. Maybe it's because we only requested one child. It seems they might usually come in sibling groups. We also requested 5-11 year olds and we haven't gotten any calls about a child in that age range. Mostly we get called about teenagers, which Caleb and I feel a little young to parent kids that old.
I guess I thought we'd have a long-term placement by now. It seems like we went through this long process to get certified and now we sit here doing nothing.
During our first placement, we saw the reality of how this commitment will deeply affect our biological children. Which in turn made us wonder which would be better for our family: to serve through respite (short term/emergency) care, or by taking one long term placement. If we took short term placements, there wouldn't really be a new normal to get used to. We would probably always be adjusting back and forth, which could be hard. It seems like if we took one placement for longer-term then we could adjust and would eventually reach some kind of normal... I don't know. I guess we just trust that God will open the door for a specific child if it is truly His will for that child to join our family. But in the meantime, it does feel a little bit like we are doing nothing.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Foster Care Training Recap
Wow. This weekend was good and exhausting and long and valuable and I'm glad we did it (our foster care training weekend). I think we learned a lot and were able to take a lot away from the weekend. I feel like we were able to start some important friendships with people who are beginning the foster care process too. One couple turns out to be our neighbors! These relationships will be very important once we are in the midst of foster care.
We were also able to learn a lot. One important thing I began to grasp was about the trauma that kids go through by being taken away from their biological parents and what they know to be home. They will probably even have to go through the grieving process. Sometimes it's tempting to think that the kids will feel rescued from their abusive situation or that they will immediately cling to a loving home, but it's not like that. As a mother, I know there is a special unique bond between a biological mother and child. And to completely remove a child from his mother, can be traumatizing. I learned that so many of the acting out behaviors we see in foster children have underlying causes that are actually pretty understandable. These kids are forced to go through things that most adults haven't gone through. They have so many mixed emotions to sort through as a child that they don't know how to handle. Knowing that can help us as their foster parents to be empathetic and offer healthy ways to handle that stress.
I was also reminded that the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with birth parents. It's not like we are the good guys and they are the bad guys. We are seeing the birth parents in their worst days and hopefully they can use this as a turning point to get their life together. If I keep this mindset in my head that reunification is a goal, then reunification will hopefully feel like a success to me rather than a loss. However, if reunification doesn't work out then we have to figure out what is best for that child, which is probably adoption. I think having this mindset will be healthy for me.
I could probably go on more about the weekend, but I am tired and need to hit the sack. The weekend was good and I'm thankful we can do it through The Call so we can establish relationships with others in the same boat and also so we can have Christ-centered training and support throughout this process.
ps- Emerson did great at Nana and Papa's house. I think he ate a little junk food and stayed up late and played hard and crashed at the end of the day. Nana's are supposed to spoil a little, yes? I missed him terribly and it is not good for my heart to be away from him :( But our reunification was good and we are glad to be under the same roof once again. Thank you for your prayers!
We were also able to learn a lot. One important thing I began to grasp was about the trauma that kids go through by being taken away from their biological parents and what they know to be home. They will probably even have to go through the grieving process. Sometimes it's tempting to think that the kids will feel rescued from their abusive situation or that they will immediately cling to a loving home, but it's not like that. As a mother, I know there is a special unique bond between a biological mother and child. And to completely remove a child from his mother, can be traumatizing. I learned that so many of the acting out behaviors we see in foster children have underlying causes that are actually pretty understandable. These kids are forced to go through things that most adults haven't gone through. They have so many mixed emotions to sort through as a child that they don't know how to handle. Knowing that can help us as their foster parents to be empathetic and offer healthy ways to handle that stress.
I was also reminded that the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with birth parents. It's not like we are the good guys and they are the bad guys. We are seeing the birth parents in their worst days and hopefully they can use this as a turning point to get their life together. If I keep this mindset in my head that reunification is a goal, then reunification will hopefully feel like a success to me rather than a loss. However, if reunification doesn't work out then we have to figure out what is best for that child, which is probably adoption. I think having this mindset will be healthy for me.
I could probably go on more about the weekend, but I am tired and need to hit the sack. The weekend was good and I'm thankful we can do it through The Call so we can establish relationships with others in the same boat and also so we can have Christ-centered training and support throughout this process.
ps- Emerson did great at Nana and Papa's house. I think he ate a little junk food and stayed up late and played hard and crashed at the end of the day. Nana's are supposed to spoil a little, yes? I missed him terribly and it is not good for my heart to be away from him :( But our reunification was good and we are glad to be under the same roof once again. Thank you for your prayers!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Foster Care Training
Friends, the long awaited weekend is here and we will begin our foster care training tomorrow! I'm so excited to move past this point that we've been in for months. Emerson will go to my parents' house for the weekend while Caleb and I spend the weekend in Siloam Springs getting trained. We hope to make a fun-ish weekend out of it by staying in a hotel Saturday night, going on a date and [gasp] doing a little gambling at the casino. Lol... we have allotted each of us $25 to waste.
We are so excited to get the training done with. The lady said that it is usually 8 weeks after the training that your home is opened for a child. I would like to ask for prayers that we can learn a lot at the training and build relationships and community with other foster parents. Pray also that we have discernment about what age of children to take. I mostly still feel like we should do older (ages 6-10), but sometimes I think 'Well, I'm not pregnant yet and a tiny baby would be fun'. So just pray that the Lord will give us discernment and direction when it actually comes time to accept a child.
Well, I just wanted to give you a little update blurb before the weekend. I'll let you know how it goes! Enjoy your weekend!
We are so excited to get the training done with. The lady said that it is usually 8 weeks after the training that your home is opened for a child. I would like to ask for prayers that we can learn a lot at the training and build relationships and community with other foster parents. Pray also that we have discernment about what age of children to take. I mostly still feel like we should do older (ages 6-10), but sometimes I think 'Well, I'm not pregnant yet and a tiny baby would be fun'. So just pray that the Lord will give us discernment and direction when it actually comes time to accept a child.
Well, I just wanted to give you a little update blurb before the weekend. I'll let you know how it goes! Enjoy your weekend!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Reassurance
The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Sometimes, the enemy feeds me lies that make me have doubts about foster care. I love the time I have with Emerson and I wonder how he will handle another kid around. One morning recently, I spent some time with the Lord asking Him for reassurance of this call. I know He already made it clear to us that this is our current task, but I wanted a reminder. I am human and fleshly and I need reassurance sometimes. But just in those few minutes I spent in prayer about it, God was good, gracious, and patient. He gave me overwhelming reassurance about this.
Who am I to think that God cannot use this for Emerson's good? I pray that this experience will be used to teach Emerson important lessons and values. Values of loving others sacrificially. Lessons about opening your home and looking for needs around you. Foster care will be very demanding of our time, emotions, and energy. I hope when we are in the midst of it, we can choose to be cheerful givers of those things... not doing it reluctantly or under compulsion. I find so much encouragement in that last verse, that God can make ALL GRACE ABOUND to us, so that we will have EVERYTHING we need at ANY MOMENT to abound in every good work. The Lord knows we won't be able to do it in our own strength, and I know I will probably learn the truth of that statement better than I want to.
God is so good and patient with me. We start our training in a month! I will let you know how it goes. Also, I stumbled across a blog today and felt I should share this post and this post with any tired mothers out there. Find encouragement :) Thanks for listening, friends.
Sometimes, the enemy feeds me lies that make me have doubts about foster care. I love the time I have with Emerson and I wonder how he will handle another kid around. One morning recently, I spent some time with the Lord asking Him for reassurance of this call. I know He already made it clear to us that this is our current task, but I wanted a reminder. I am human and fleshly and I need reassurance sometimes. But just in those few minutes I spent in prayer about it, God was good, gracious, and patient. He gave me overwhelming reassurance about this.
Who am I to think that God cannot use this for Emerson's good? I pray that this experience will be used to teach Emerson important lessons and values. Values of loving others sacrificially. Lessons about opening your home and looking for needs around you. Foster care will be very demanding of our time, emotions, and energy. I hope when we are in the midst of it, we can choose to be cheerful givers of those things... not doing it reluctantly or under compulsion. I find so much encouragement in that last verse, that God can make ALL GRACE ABOUND to us, so that we will have EVERYTHING we need at ANY MOMENT to abound in every good work. The Lord knows we won't be able to do it in our own strength, and I know I will probably learn the truth of that statement better than I want to.
God is so good and patient with me. We start our training in a month! I will let you know how it goes. Also, I stumbled across a blog today and felt I should share this post and this post with any tired mothers out there. Find encouragement :) Thanks for listening, friends.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Foster Care Update
Hey friends! I was just thinking about how I told you guys about our call to do foster care awhile back and then haven't been updating you on the journey so far! Oops! I really want you all to be a part of our journey. We will definitely need prayers along the way, especially once we finally get a child!
So, I went to an informational meeting at DHS back in February. Since then we have filled out a bunch of paperwork, got fingerprints done, sent off for background checks, and a lady came to see our house and do a little more paperwork.
I was able to get in touch with the woman who is leading The Call and we are now registered to go to the July training. There is a May training, but my sis is getting married one of the weekends, so it's a no go. So, now, we have a few more things to mark off our checklist and then it's waiting for the training in July. We volunteered at the Tommy House in West Fork, which houses a larger group of foster children, and I just felt assurance that this is what we are called to do. There were three boys there, ranging from 8 to 13 and it was good getting to talk to them a little bit. It eased my nerves a little about the age range we are planning on accepting (6-11ish). So, that's an update for you! Please keep us in your prayers as we try to obey what the Lord is calling us to do!
So, I went to an informational meeting at DHS back in February. Since then we have filled out a bunch of paperwork, got fingerprints done, sent off for background checks, and a lady came to see our house and do a little more paperwork.
I was able to get in touch with the woman who is leading The Call and we are now registered to go to the July training. There is a May training, but my sis is getting married one of the weekends, so it's a no go. So, now, we have a few more things to mark off our checklist and then it's waiting for the training in July. We volunteered at the Tommy House in West Fork, which houses a larger group of foster children, and I just felt assurance that this is what we are called to do. There were three boys there, ranging from 8 to 13 and it was good getting to talk to them a little bit. It eased my nerves a little about the age range we are planning on accepting (6-11ish). So, that's an update for you! Please keep us in your prayers as we try to obey what the Lord is calling us to do!
Monday, January 16, 2012
A Call
Hi, friends. So, I mentioned at the end of my last post that I had something to tell you today. And I do. But I have to say I'm a little scared to say it to such a large group of people (I say this as if a ton of people read my blog- ha!), because that seems like it makes it officially official. And I know it is already officially official, because God has called us to do this and we intend to obey. But, it's still scary. So, here goes. We are going to do foster care!
So, for a long time we have known that we would like to adopt at some point. We just figured it would be later. Ya know, we would do the "have our own kids" thing and then do the "adopt" thing. But, God has really been working on our hearts for awhile now and He has shown us that He wants us to do foster care sooner rather than later. There really is no reason not to do it now. Caleb and I have both grown up in families who have done foster care, so our parents have set wonderful examples for us. So I guess this ministry to the orphans is near and dear to our hearts.
Becoming a mother has, even more, made me concerned for the little children. When Emerson was so tiny and helpless and dependent, sometimes I would think about the babies who were born to mothers who didn't meet their needs. Weren't fed. Weren't held or kept warm. Babies whose cries weren't answered. It would bring me to tears to think about a tiny baby like Emerson not having someone love him and hold him. Or even worse, some mothers who would hurt their children. I know it must hurt God's heart to see little innocent children hurting. It's just a fallen, sad world. This was not how God created it.
Over a year ago, someone came to our church on orphan Sunday or adoption Sunday or whatever it's called. And they were talking about what a need there is in NWA for foster parents. A huge need. And I feel like it is the church's job. I looked in the phone book to find pages and pages of churches in the NWA area. And it angered me. How could there be such a great need when there are so many churches in this area? Since then, God has been working on us. As of this month, there are 136 children in foster care in this county and 37% are placed outside the county because there aren't enough foster families.
I believe children have a special place in God's heart. And Scripture is clear that He loves and cares for orphaned children. He is the Father to the fatherless. Religion that is pure and faultless is looking after the orphans. I need to keep the Matthew 25 mindset, that whatever I am doing for "the least of these" I am doing for Christ.
Now, while this post is mostly mushy gushy stuff, I know it is going to be hard. I know that these kids will come with baggage and maybe even hard hearts, but we have to be obedient. The enemy already tries to feed me lies and fears about me not being able to handle it, especially after I have a rough day with only one child. But somebody needs to care for these children and they need to hear the gospel so badly. This ministry will definitely teach me to rely on the Lord, because I won't be able to do it in my own strength, that's for sure.
Even though this post is so long, I could continue to go on and on, because I have had a hundred thoughts going through my mind about this. Though a million things could go wrong and this could be hard in a million ways, we are trusting the Lord's lead. Right now, we are starting out by going to an informational meeting this month and then we will begin the training (30 hrs required). He will prepare us as needed.
A few prayers would be appreciated if you think about it.
1. Pray for childcare provisions for Emerson while we do the training.
2. Pray that when we are doing foster care, Caleb won't have to work as much (they are supposed to be hiring another engineer in May, which should help lighten the load).
3. Pray that we will be obedient and that we won't believe the lies of the enemy.
I think this should do it for now. It is a relief to me now that I can share my thoughts and latest news to you all as everything progresses. I'm impressed if you made it down this far! If you are interested in doing foster care or adoption, there is a neat Christian organization called The Call that you should check out. We will be going through this organization to get certified.
So, for a long time we have known that we would like to adopt at some point. We just figured it would be later. Ya know, we would do the "have our own kids" thing and then do the "adopt" thing. But, God has really been working on our hearts for awhile now and He has shown us that He wants us to do foster care sooner rather than later. There really is no reason not to do it now. Caleb and I have both grown up in families who have done foster care, so our parents have set wonderful examples for us. So I guess this ministry to the orphans is near and dear to our hearts.
Becoming a mother has, even more, made me concerned for the little children. When Emerson was so tiny and helpless and dependent, sometimes I would think about the babies who were born to mothers who didn't meet their needs. Weren't fed. Weren't held or kept warm. Babies whose cries weren't answered. It would bring me to tears to think about a tiny baby like Emerson not having someone love him and hold him. Or even worse, some mothers who would hurt their children. I know it must hurt God's heart to see little innocent children hurting. It's just a fallen, sad world. This was not how God created it.
Over a year ago, someone came to our church on orphan Sunday or adoption Sunday or whatever it's called. And they were talking about what a need there is in NWA for foster parents. A huge need. And I feel like it is the church's job. I looked in the phone book to find pages and pages of churches in the NWA area. And it angered me. How could there be such a great need when there are so many churches in this area? Since then, God has been working on us. As of this month, there are 136 children in foster care in this county and 37% are placed outside the county because there aren't enough foster families.
I believe children have a special place in God's heart. And Scripture is clear that He loves and cares for orphaned children. He is the Father to the fatherless. Religion that is pure and faultless is looking after the orphans. I need to keep the Matthew 25 mindset, that whatever I am doing for "the least of these" I am doing for Christ.
Now, while this post is mostly mushy gushy stuff, I know it is going to be hard. I know that these kids will come with baggage and maybe even hard hearts, but we have to be obedient. The enemy already tries to feed me lies and fears about me not being able to handle it, especially after I have a rough day with only one child. But somebody needs to care for these children and they need to hear the gospel so badly. This ministry will definitely teach me to rely on the Lord, because I won't be able to do it in my own strength, that's for sure.
Even though this post is so long, I could continue to go on and on, because I have had a hundred thoughts going through my mind about this. Though a million things could go wrong and this could be hard in a million ways, we are trusting the Lord's lead. Right now, we are starting out by going to an informational meeting this month and then we will begin the training (30 hrs required). He will prepare us as needed.
A few prayers would be appreciated if you think about it.
1. Pray for childcare provisions for Emerson while we do the training.
2. Pray that when we are doing foster care, Caleb won't have to work as much (they are supposed to be hiring another engineer in May, which should help lighten the load).
3. Pray that we will be obedient and that we won't believe the lies of the enemy.
I think this should do it for now. It is a relief to me now that I can share my thoughts and latest news to you all as everything progresses. I'm impressed if you made it down this far! If you are interested in doing foster care or adoption, there is a neat Christian organization called The Call that you should check out. We will be going through this organization to get certified.
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